First night alone

So, it's time for me to go to sleep. It's time for me to crawl into our big queen sized bed and fall asleep alone - The first lonely night of deployment. I feel alot of anxiety at the moment and I'm terrified to fall asleep. I don't want to crawl into bed without my sweetheart. But, I will be praying for him and dreaming of him. I'm sure that right now he's just as lonely as I am, wishing I was beside him as much as I'm wishing the same. My skin is tingling inside, and I feel like I'm going crazy in a way. I just can't stand knowing how long it's going to be before my next hug and kiss from him. But, I'm ready to start dreaming and be with my baby... Then, starting on my goals tomorrow! No sitting around being depressed. Well, we'll see, won't we? Goodnight everyone and have the sweetest dreams :)

"Can I come wiff you? :(" "No baby, I fink they'd notice you." :("Daddy, can I come?" :( "Actually, you do sorta fit in there. But sorry, you gotta stay home with Mommy!" "Dang it..."

Goals!

Ahhh, deployment goals. Let me list them for you now!
- Lose weight. There is nothing like putting in 4+ hours of exercise a day to exhaust you so you can sleep better at night and at the same time, work towards looking super sexy when he pulls in on homecoming day! :)
- Learn to cook! Lol, my poor poor husband has a wife who's best dish is - Mac and cheese. Not even homemade mac and cheese, but the spongebob or toy story 3 mac and cheese. I not only wanna learn to cook, but cook healthy meals. So when he comes home, he can enjoy a delicious home cooked meal every night, and stay healthy too!
- Write in this blog every single day. Ladies, if I don't write, that's probably a good thing for me. It'll mean my day was too packed to write, which is a blessing. But, I will try!
- Get our home cleaner than it ever was before - add new things to it, organize, etc. Who doesn't love a clean home??
- Here's a big one, one that I will work towards, but, I'm not gonna promise myself this one. My knees are pretty screwed up, and that's why. I won't promise you anything that I'm not positive will happen. But I want to train for a marathon. Or even a half marathon. It'll require determination, stamina, going the distance, motivation and my whole mind and body to fight for that finish line. Those are all the traits that I need to activate for this deployment. Even if in the end, the marathon doesn't happen, I will push myself to bringing out those traits in myself.
- Deciding where I want my future and career to go, because right now, I have NO clue! Time to find myself, huh?
- Save money up. Deployment is a great time to save all the extra money that your honey would usually be spending on games or taking you out to nice places to eat.

That's all for now, but we'll see if we can't add another in there later on!!

Here comes goodbye...

This morning we loaded his sea bag into the car, and he said goodbye to his home for a very long time. Next time he sees this place, leaves will be falling, it'll soon be cold and winter will follow shortly after. And we just got out of winter! When we got to the base, he had to take two trips down the pier for his 3 items - A sea bag, a backpack and a box that I made him. Now ladies, this box... Has helped me IMMENSELY. It has a letter for him to open every single Wednesday until he comes home because this deployment will have very very little communication. He has a present to open for every month. He has pictures of us all through it. I wrote the letters (obviously before he deployed) and writing those letters showed me truthfully that the end of this deployment WILL come. He will one day read that letter that at the end says "See you tomorrow." As horrid as this deployment is now, it will soon end. Anyways, last night and this morning I was keeping it together pretty good. I hadn't cried, was giving my husband encouraging thoughts and we held each other tight as we fell asleep. As he walked down the pier, I glanced to my left. I saw another couple saying their goodbyes and all the sudden I realized - Here comes my goodbye... I started breaking down. The tears were painful as they left my body. My chest ached. I was panicking. I kept thinking, I can't be alone for that long. I can't. He's my best friend, my husband. We live together, we share a home together. How can he leave for that long? He's going to miss everything! I saw him walking towards the car... Oh no... I got out of the car and held him tight. He pressed me as close to him as possible - we were squeezing so tight that we could hardly breathe. This goodbye process was about 10 minutes - Due to the fact that I just COULD NOT let go. I kept saying the same things, "I don't want you to go." "What am I gonna do without you? Who am I gonna talk to?" "I love you so much, so very much, don't you ever forget that!" "Come home to me soon, be safe over everything else!" "I don't wanna let go..." "Please don't leave..." But every second passed quicker than the next. We had to do it. We had to let go. We tried about 3 times, but kept coming back into each others arms. My face hurt from crying so hard and my mouth was dry (Not optimal for your last kiss for the next 7+ months). Finally though, we pressed our lips together... lingered in that spot for a moment, and then released... We looked at each other, and choked out "Goodbye..." and as I climbed into the car, he walked away and down the pier... Gone, gone, gone... My heart was broken. I realized while I was out there saying goodbye, my puppy had went potty on the seat and a little voice in my head said "The deployment fairy has already visited and he's been gone for about 15 seconds." I cried the entire way home. My heart is still aching. I keep thinking that that couldn't possibly be our last kiss... He'll be home sooner than what I'm expecting and I'm finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that I won't hear his voice again for a while... I'm finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that I can't text him or even EMAIL him over the next "--" months. My heart is crying out and begging me to drive back to the base and say goodbye again, but this is it. Our goodbyes have been said, we released from that kiss and now it begins. The deployment has officially... begun. Hang in tight readers, the rollercoaster is about to start.

Pre - Deployment

I'm sure everyone has heard of the dreaded two weeks before deployment. If you haven't, then I suppose it's my job to inform you - They truly do exist. The past 2 weeks have been ups and downs, crazy mood swings (from both of us!) and expectations being all over the place - him expecting things to remain normal (denial/tough guy act), me trying to soak up every single second with him (smothering/irritating). This could be different for some couples, but for the most part, this is how it is. The past two weeks, we've fought so hard that at times, one of us has taken the keys and left the house for a while. At times we almost fell asleep angry (But a big rule in our house is - no matter what, you NEVER fall asleep angry). Sometimes I'd think to myself "Damn, just deploy already!" And sometimes he would think "Damn, I'm ready to get outta here!" But in the end, it's because, realistically, those two weeks are full of emotions, expectations, stress and worry. Everytime he wouldn't want to do something that I wanted to do, I felt like he didn't care. Everytime I asked him to stop playing video games or pay attention to me, he felt like I wasn't allowing him to enjoy his time the way he wanted before he left. But as of yesterday, the day before deployment, there was nothing either of us could think besides how much we loved each other. We couldn't believe that the last 2 weeks had FLOWN past us and we felt like all the time we did have, was spent arguing over silly things. The time leading up to a deployment might just be the hardest part (I guess I'll find out) because it looms over you and everything you do saying "You only have -this many- days left til he's gone for -this many- days. Better fit everything in that you can!" That is what drives many people... Crazy. So in these two weeks, my advice is, try not to sweat all the small stuff. You probably will anyways, but just try to realize that as long as ya'll are together and in contact, no matter whether you're fighting, on opposite sides of the house, or texting because he's working overnight, that's gonna be something you wish you could have back soon enough. So ladies, tough these weeks out. Every once in a while, let your man spend the entire evening doing whatever he wants because this deployment will stink equally as bad for him as for you - if not worse. Hang in there, soak up all the time you can get but don't make the mistake of smothering your significant other to the point where they DON'T want to spend time with you. This time will fly, trust me.

Hey everyone!

My name is Laurel Dangrow and I am the wife of a U.S. Navy submariner. My husband is deploying today. I won't include an exact countdown of this deployment or any locations, but I will try to add an entry each day and have everyone tag along with my story and help other wives make it through their deployments. So, hopefully you enjoy and hopefully this blog will help you to laugh, cry and get tougher as the lover of a man in the military. If you aren't the loved one of a military member, here's a sneak peak into what our lives are like. Enjoy.